This year has taken a toll on our family. We seem to have been hit in all directions, sometimes more than one storm at a time, we cannot even get on our feet before the next one has arrived. I have not been up to writing much on here partly out of pure exhaustion but also partly because I have not handled our season of storms very well.
I am so very guilty of letting my emotions and feelings drive and dictate my thoughts and words and actions. I MUST move forward and work towards fixing my attitude.
I am ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been a poor example of my faith and not such a great witness to those around me. This is not who God made me to be, I feel like I have let everyone down around me, those I love and cherish the most.
“Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.”
2 Corinthians 1:24
I will no longer allow this to happen.
—-> I will choose to be purposeful.
—->I will look to the Lord and with this I will be choosing joy in all circumstances.
I need to LET GO (deep breath) give up control and work towards FULLY leaning on the Lord during these rough times rather than trying to do it on my own. I know in my mind how I should have been handling these storms but I have failed to be obedient to God in the heat of each moment and throughout these rough several months in how I handled each circumstance.
But sadly our season is not over, we are still riding out some of our storms so moving on I have an opportunity to make changes and learn from my mistakes, lean on God for strength and CHOOSE to change my attitude, CHOOSE joy and let God take over.
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”. Romans 3:23
““He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” For “you were like sheep going astray,” but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” 1 Peter 2:24-25
Priscilla Shirer writes in her book ‘Fervent’ “Separation. That’s what sin creates…….Prayers that have power come from a person in pursuit of righteous living. Yes, righteousness matters.”
I can feel the brutal truth of this statement ringing in my life and heart, feeling separated from God as a result of my own sin and disobedience. It becomes such a viscous cycle, you neglect your spiritual growth and move a little bit farther from the Lord, become less sensitive and sin takes over, letting the ups and downs of your daily and worldly circumstances guide your actions, words and attitudes instead of allowing God to take control.
“Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.”
Now don’t get me wrong I have not been spiritually dead I have just gotten to the point that I feel separated from God by my poor attitude and choices in how I have faced this season of storms. I have not given up praying, reading scripture or participating at church. I have been going through all the motions half heartedly and not giving everything completely to God and the result is obvious to me, painfully obvious.
The good news is I know what I have done wrong, how to fix it moving forward and our Father forgives. I will learn from these mistakes and work to not allow this to happen any longer. God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good. Even though it is hard to see right now I will be stronger from this. I will tune up my spiritual life, keep in close contact with our Father, stay powered up in prayer.
Please forgive for not choosing Your way above my own, for not choosing to face moments and trials with the joy of Your love and promises in my heart, this has reflected in my attitude, mood, choices and all areas of my life. Lord forgive me for doubting you and not trusting You during these trying times. I have not been who You have called me to be, my heart knows this but my sinful ways have been taking over, I have let the enemy have his way in my life. But Lord I will stand for this no more, I will be victorious in You, I will be strong on my knees and give it all to You, You are in control of all this, nothing happens outside of Your will and while I don’t understand why we are being challenged like this right now. I will find peace JOY and comfort in knowing You are in control. I pray for strength, courage, wisdom and discernment. Father if I start to slip and move away from You again I pray to be pushed back, God I pray for my Christian family to surround me and hold me accountable when my attitude is not a reflection of You and Your love. Thank You for our beloved church family. Thank You for blessing me abundantly even when I have been sinful and weak, You are always providing for me. Father thank You so much for sending Your son and His ultimate sacrifice for our sins, thank You for loving me unconditionally, thank You for Your mercy and grace. Father I pray for the power and courage to be the wife mother and woman You created me to be.
In Jesus name Amen