It’s seems like just when I think I have things a little figured out, small handle on the chaos of our busy blended adventurous life there’s another bump in the road.
I finally feel like I am going to be able to stop and catch my breath and bam the wind gets knocked out of me again. Whether it’s one big thing that knocks me down or several small at the same time. It seems to be the inevitable cycle of life in this fallen world.
This week has knocked me down hard, several small blows have taken a toll. Challenges of parenting intertwined with complications and emotional hurt caused by ‘the other parent and home’. Little hearts that are hurting and needing guidance and support. Exhausted parents after minimal sleep carried into difficult and challenging days at work and busy demanding evenings caring for kids and keeping up with housework.
The circumstances and struggle of our day to day during a more demanding week blow by blow has dictated my moods and reactions and knocked away my joy and stole my smile.
Fighting the moment by moment internal spiritual battle. Distracted and overwhelmed by the circumstances and powerful emotions that are threatening to take over. Not one big trial but many small storms.
The enemy never backs down, he is always trying to steal our joy.
I did not do well this week. I am weak and tired. I did not have a good attitude or joyful heart.
I can quote you the verses and tell you the ‘church’ answer of how I should have handled it all. But in the heat of the moment when I’m tired beyond tired, hungry, pulled in 10 directions and feeling very overwhelmed and out of control I do not act or respond the way in my heart know I should. My sinful selfish self takes over with a toxic negative attitude and responses.
This photo sums up how I felt this week!
And then it happened…..scrolling casually through my Facebook feed and there is this tiny precious fragile baby who has been born much much too early, strapped to all kinds of tubes and life support machines keeping him alive. A true miracle to still be alive despite all odds at this point and still facing a lifetime of disability when he does grow stronger. His parents full of fear and questions but yet living positively and with BOLD FAITH!!! After considering the pain and worry of his mamas heart suddenly my disaster of a day at my office and tired kids just does not seem that bad anymore.
In this moment…..time stops briefly…
My eyes burning to cry.
My heart mourns and prays for this baby and his family.
My spirit is condemned and my heart convicted. Tornado of emotions shake me to my core, guilt for being so selfish, awe mixed with a huge surge of thankfulness for my husband and our family and our abundant blessings.
Convicted………guilty……ashamed……..a couple of bad (not ideal) days and I open myself up and allow the enemy to come in and steal my joy, this not the first time I have allowed this and this not only effects me it impacts everyone around me. I allow the circumstances , being tired, having to wait 10 minutes for a treadmill at the gym, awful day at work, cranky kids drive my mood and actions. SELFISH!!! This sweet precious baby and his family are holding on in joyful faith as he fights to stay alive and I’m having a bad (not ideal) day and I cannot be obedient to God in how I respond and act!?!?
This realization shakes me to my core, my spirit and heart immediately soften and I turn to God. Not any more, I refuse to let this go on any longer. This is not who I am or who God created me to be.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
I am truly humbled, call out to God confess my transgressions and beg His undeserved forgiveness.
This week will not need end way it started. The enemy will not have his way with me or my family.
“With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.” Psalm 108:13
I will be prepared, study and memorize God’s word and truth.
“I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You.” Psalm 119:11
I will be faithful and remain close to the Lord in prayer.
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” Colossians 4:2
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction,faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.” Psalm 61:1
This is not new information or realizations for me like I already said I have known all along what I should be doing, and have actually been doing most of it. I read God’s word most days, pray daily, I go through the motions. But the difference is in the heart when I am doing these things. My heart needs to be God-centered. If Iam going through the motions but my heart is cold and cut off then my efforts are essentially useless and meaningless, I see the fruit and evidence of this in how I started my week and where my heart was and where my heart is now.
I need to be prepared…. For the ongoing and endless daily battles I will continue to face. The enemy knows my weaknesses and will continue to use my circumstances and prey on my humanity and try to steal my joy
“For the Lord takes delight in His people; He crowns the humble with victory.” Psalm 149:4
“For the Lord your God is the one who goes its you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4
I need to keep a positive heart, mind and spirit in moments and circumstances that are more demanding. I choose God, I choose joy.
” Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish it’s work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
“Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth!” Psalm 66:1
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and the your joy may be complete.” John 15:11
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19
—> NOT ANY LONGER!!! satan you lose, God wins, I have victory in Christ and will not sit back and willing allow you to take my joy or delight, God is my source of great happiness, I am truly blessed and will keep my heart and mind focused on the Lord and take delight in His love.<—-