Surviving our season of storms…

This year has taken a toll on our family.  We seem to have been hit in all directions, sometimes more than one storm at a time, we cannot even get on our feet before the next one has arrived.  I have not been up to writing much on here partly out of pure exhaustion but also partly because I have not handled our season of storms very well. 


I am so very guilty of letting my emotions and feelings drive and dictate my thoughts and words and actions. I MUST move forward and work towards fixing my attitude.

I am ashamed and disappointed in myself. I have been a poor example of my faith and not such a great witness to those around me. This is not who God made me to be, I feel like I have let everyone down around me, those I love and cherish the most.

“Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.”


‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:24

 I will no longer allow this to happen. 

—-> I will choose to be purposeful.

—->I will look to the Lord and  with this I will be choosing joy in all circumstances. 

 I need to LET GO (deep breath) give up control and work towards FULLY leaning on the Lord during these rough times rather than trying to do it on my own.  I know in my mind how I should have been handling these storms but I have failed to be obedient to God in the heat of each moment and throughout these rough several months in how I handled each circumstance.  ‬ ‭


 But sadly our season is not over, we are still riding out some of our storms so moving on I have an opportunity to make changes and learn from my mistakes, lean on God for strength and CHOOSE to change my attitude, CHOOSE joy and let God take over.

“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”‭‭.  Romans‬ ‭3:23‬ ‭

““He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” For “you were like sheep going astray,” but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:24-25‬ 


Priscilla Shirer writes in her book ‘Fervent’ “Separation.  That’s what sin creates…….Prayers that have power come from a person in pursuit of righteous living.  Yes, righteousness matters.”

I can feel the brutal truth of this statement ringing in my life and heart, feeling separated from God as a result of my own sin and disobedience.  It becomes such a viscous cycle, you neglect your spiritual growth and move a little bit farther from the Lord, become less sensitive and sin takes over, letting the ups and downs of your daily and worldly circumstances guide your actions, words and attitudes instead of allowing God to take control.  

“Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭59:1-2‬ 


Now don’t get me wrong I have not been spiritually dead I have just gotten to the point that I feel separated from God by my poor attitude and choices in how I have faced this season of storms.  I have not given up praying, reading scripture or participating at church.  I have been going through all the motions half heartedly and not giving everything completely to God and the result is obvious to me, painfully obvious.


The good news is I know what I have done wrong, how to fix it moving forward and our Father forgives.  I will learn from these mistakes and work to not allow this to happen any longer.  God is good ALL the time and ALL the time God is good.  Even though it is hard to see right now I will be stronger from this.  I will tune up my spiritual life, keep in close contact with our Father, stay powered up in prayer.

Father,

Please forgive for not choosing Your way above my own, for not choosing to face moments and trials with the joy of Your love and promises in my heart, this has reflected in my attitude, mood, choices and all areas of my life.  Lord forgive me for doubting you and not trusting You during these trying times.  I have not been who You have called me to be, my heart knows this but my sinful ways have been taking over, I have let the enemy have his way in my life.  But Lord I will stand for this no more, I will be victorious in You, I will be strong on my knees and give it all to You, You are in control of all this, nothing happens outside of Your will and while I don’t understand why we are being challenged like this right now.   I will find peace JOY and comfort in knowing You are in control.  I pray for strength, courage, wisdom and discernment.  Father if I start to slip and move away from You again I pray to be pushed back, God I pray for my Christian family to surround me and hold me accountable when my attitude is not a reflection of You and Your love.  Thank You for our beloved church family.  Thank You for blessing me abundantly even when I have been sinful and weak, You are always providing for me.  Father thank You so much for sending Your son and His ultimate sacrifice for our sins, thank You for loving me unconditionally, thank You for Your mercy and grace.  Father I pray for the power and courage to be the wife mother and woman You created me to be.  

In Jesus name Amen

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popping my B-U-B-B-L-E ——>guilt…confession…truth…

A conversation frequently starts between me and my husband with him asking me “have you heard…?” Which is normally silly and redundant because we both know that there is is 99.9% chance that I have not yet heard whatever it is he is getting ready to ask me about.  For the most part I am clueless to local and national news, politics, and world happenings.  I have placed myself into a safe but very blind bubble.

We live in what is considered a ‘rural area’ and I work in a very rural community.  I listen to the Christian station on satellite radio in the car, this station has no news or commercials.   We do not have cable in our home to watch the news or any local stations.  Basically if someone does not tell me about something in person or it is not on my Facebook newsfeed I don’t hear about it.  For the most part when things do pop up on my Facebook newsfeed that I want to ignore it is quite easy to just scroll by it without paying much attention.

I like my bubble, it is nice and safe in it and I feel protected.  If I don’t have to read about it or hear about it then it is not happening.  I rather prefer not having my heart broken daily over the disturbing news stories our fallen society provides day after day.  It is my way of shielding my eyes, ears, mind and heart from the evil and sadness that unfold day after day.

Well despite my struggle, even with kicking and fighting my bubble has been popped, a few weeks ago it was stuck with a tiny hole that grows each day. I am now seeing the error in my ways…sitting idly by and ignoring all the evil and sin surrounding us and consuming our society makes me just as guilty as participating.

If I sit by and ignore all the bad, wrong and unjust, immoral events and circumstances am I not as guilty as the ones participating and causing?  Burying my head in the sand while our society and world celebrate and glorify sin makes me just as responsible!!!  I am SO GUILTY!
The truth is I cannot handle the feelings that reality and the news invoke in me.

I have been so selfish and ignorant keeping up the protective walls of my bubble.

 

I guess the pin that started poking holes in my bubble is all of the planned parent and abortion news.  This stirs something inside of me, emotions that I can not even begin to describe they are so strong and powerful and quite honestly these emotions terrify me.  This has always been such a difficult and sensitive topic for me to listen to and talk about, I feel so passionately for the lives of our unborn children that it is a challenging topic for me.  I have read quite a few articles and news stories about this but I have not been able to bring myself to watch the videos.  I am absolutely petrified to watch them, I know without a doubt that they will break my heart and bring up such traumatic emotions that I honestly do not know if I can handle it.  Deep down I know I need to be able to get to the point of being able to watch them, I need to embrace these emotions, learn how to control and direct them and use them take action.  I have no idea what, but something I know there has got to be something I can do.  Until God opens that door for me I need to draw near to Him.  I need to be crying out to Him and asking His strength, courage and guidance.

At the very least, I can pray.  This is doing something, I can start to do something by opening my heart, eyes, ears and mind and taking it all to my Heavenly Father.  I need to start taking responsibility in making myself aware of what is going on.  Open my eyes and ears and work on being more informed and knowledgeable.

 

“Then when the time is right He will open a door for me to be able to do something, until then I will pray.”

 

Over the next several weeks I will work at slowly removing the shield of my bubble.  Little by little taking it down and exploring everything that is going on in my state, nation and world.  When I read and listen to these news stories I will open my heart and pray for each situation that I can.  I will lay it all at the feet of Jesus and let Him lead me.  Jesus is the only one with the power to save us all, so I will turn to Him.

“Lord, I come before You with so much in my heart tonight.  Father please forgive me for being so selfish and ignorant that I have ignored and neglected the suffering of Your children all around me.  God I ask you to work in my heart and soften me and make me more self-less and compassionate to all those around me.  Help me to move past my bubble and take on what is happening in our sad and sinful world.  I pray for strength and courage as I open my eyes and become more aware of the fallen state of our world right now.  Please guide me and lead me to be the follower of Christ You have made me to be.  Father I am weak and You are strong, please strengthen me.  I pray the the passion and emotion I feel when I learn more about the news and politics driving our fallen society doesn’t cripple me but move me to take action to help.  I pray to be a better example of Your love and sacrifice.  I pray to be a light in our world of dark and to shine the light of Your Love to all those around me.  Father let me rise up and face this challenge.  I pray I can bring You glory in all I do.  Thank You for blessing me and my family so abundantly.  Thank You for Your love and mercy, thank You for sending Your son to die for our sins, Thank You Father for Your Grace.  In Jesus name Amen.”

 

 

“Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us. Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human authority: whether to the emperor, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”  ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:11-17‬ ‭NIV‬